Why Engage Yourself

As a single mom with a small daughter, I’m sure you can imagine how difficult our life was: Juggling childcare and a job, barely making rent, incredibly narrow social life, you get it. But the worst part? other people. Their pity, doubt and condescending remarks added an unnecessary layer of struggle for both of us.

Now that I’m more aware of what happened to u (around us), if I don’t do something about it, other single moms could also feel discouraged, disheartened and alone, and these feelings cannot support a healthy relationship between mother and child. Without change, the future for these families will be stuck in survival mode.

I see the possibility of a future for thrival! where single mothers can focus on being the best people and best parents they can be – without unconscious judgments from others.

Engage Yourself! Wear a wedding ring for 30 days to see how it changes others’ experience of you and how you experience yourself. Then, share your experience about how Engaging Yourself has changed you.

We look forward to every moment.

Call to Action

Hello Lovely Ladies and Gentlemen!

The Ring Thing – Engage Yourself! is a social experiment about awareness, acceptance and self-love. The Ring Thing encourages single women and men to wear a wedding ring for up to 60 days or more  and observe how you feel about yourself, and how other people relate to you. Pay attention to the differences and to the similarities.

If you choose to fully participate in The Ring Thing, we are now collecting autobiographical stories about these experiences wearing – or not wearing – a Wedding Ring. Please note: previous experiences are also welcome.

Stories and essays between 300-3000 words accepted now through January 30, 2009. Please submit to love@the-ring-thing.com. If your story or essay is chosen for print publication, you’ll receive $100 and a copy of the book.

For more information, please visit www.the-ring-thing.com

Ceremony to Self

I was blessed to experience the wedding of 6 beautiful women at a woman’s home.  They married themselves by stating their vows while looking at themselves in a mirror. Such courage! So admirable! Not a dry eye in the house. This is an important milestone on their personal journey of transformation from past traumas as they embark on the rest of their lives with themselves.  This was a celebration of love for the most important person in their life, and wearing a ring on “the finger” to tell society that, yes, they are indeed in a committed relationship, the relationship comes first, they are not alone. 

An event like this can re-define the Cinderella story for all women.  Uniting us toward self-love as the foundation for all our healthy and loving relationships.

-Samantha

Jenny’s Story

I told my friends that I’d do The Ring Thing just to try it out for them and I’m already feeling different about myself. Feeling stronger and, dare I say it, taller. Oh my goodness, I think that I’m ashamed to say that I even feel more worthy, like I’m not going to buy those groceries cause I’m better than that. This is wierd.

A Story #1

of course leigh anne! my son hasnt had a friend for a sleepover since my boyfriend and i moved in together last year. im almost hesitant to tell his friends parents that were getting engaged because im so disgusted with their behavior and backhanded remarks im fine if i never saw them again! case in point, on new years eve for gods sake his best friends mom came to pick him up at 1:30am but she only let him come over in the first place when she heard that the normal 9-5 no criminal history boyfriend shes never met wasnt going to be there. that was the first time she EVER did that. and the last. thank god ive found a few other families who have other priorities like love acceptance happiness togetherness celebration etc etc etc etc etc. 

Leigh Anne’s Story

I am so heartbroken right now! After reading KC’s story, my daughter’s entire childhood makes perfect sense. Being a young single working mom by choice – divorced him when I was 25 and she was 2, it was just me and my girl. She would always get invited to her friend’s house after school and on the weekends but none of her friends would ever be able to come over to hers. EVER! Her friends would be so excited and then come back to school the next day and say, “My mom said no.” Later in elementary school, she would even CRY nearly every weekend because no one could come over. I now get it that it was our lifestyle that prevented parents from trusting, accepting, allowing, whatever their hangup was. Bastards. I’m a really good mom and my child is a STAR student, well-behaved, smart, thoughtful, considerate, well-mannered, but becuase I was single… I am so sad about her lost childhood and if I could go back and do one thing differently, I would FAKE that I was married and LIE that I did not have a job so that I could be like all those other (pathetic, narrow-minded) moms IF ONLY FOR THE HAPPINESS OF MY GIRL.

KC’s Story

Nick, my 8-year-old son, had a friend at school who he wanted to have a play date with. We invited the friend over but his mom would not let him come over because she thought I was a single “working” mom.  I had not worn a wedding ring to several school events because I had been doing some gritty landscaping and just hadn’t worn it. I really just didn’t care or think much about my ring becasue my husband and I are totally happy and have been together for nearly 20 years. (The one I usually wore is fake anyway since my real ring doesn’t fit me anymore.) Back to the friend’s mom. A few weeks later I saw her at a school event and mentioned that she must have me confused with someone else, I’m really married, see the ring, etc. She then apologized to me for the confusion and confessed that she didn’t believe that the kids would be supervised properly. After clearing up that I was not a single mom, I actually had a husband, and I only “worked” at my part-time job while the kids were in school, the friend was allowed to come over and play.

Samantha’s Story

Samantha sees Dixie wearing The Ring, “Is this new?”

 

“No,” she tells her. “I’m just wearing it ‘cause I noticed that people treat me differently. Life can be hard enough, I don’t need anyone else judging me anymore.” Did we forget to mention that Dixie is a single mom?

 

With that, Samantha is hooked, and now it’s all about The Ring Thing. She buys a $20 ring at a bazaar outside a winery on her way to Vegas. (Of course the best place to start with deception.)  In Vegas, The Ring plays safety charm.  Of course the one interesting gentleman commented on The Ring.  She responded with a quick “Oh, no I’m not married,” followed by the kind of laughter only heard in Vegas.

 

Soon after in a consult with her mentor, her dating life came up, quickly followed by The Ring Thing addiction. What was the best response for future inquiries? Mentor held up her hand with a lovely Ring on That Finger and said, “the truth.”  Again, more laughter.

 

The real reason The Ring is important for Samantha is based on her negative self-talk, our own worst enemy: “They are loved, I am not.” The $20 ring 10 years ago could have saved her from some major heartaches, confidence issues, and 500 hours of counseling! 

 

Initial reactions from friends and enemies:

Are you trying to attract marriage?

You’re lying.

You’re only going to attract men who like married women.

I want one.

 

So how does Samantha feel about marriage?  Good question.  How does she about her relationship with herself? Great Question.

Dixie’s Story

Dixie & Samantha meet in the Spring of 2007 as single professional women, among other single, professional women, and way too much laughter and wine. Not necessarily in that order.

 

Fast forward into late Summer 2007. Dixie’s mom has two matching wedding bands, one for each of her daughters. So, when Dixie finds out that her younger sister is getting hers on her wedding day, Dixie, being the moral, upstanding, equatorial woman who she is, boldly states, “Where’s mine? I’m already married.” “And divorced,” quips the younger in white. Mom soothes, “I was going to give it to you for Christmas, but since you asked…” And out comes the other band. Is it a surprise that it fit on THAT finger?

 

Unable (unwilling?) to re-size it for another digit, Dixie decides to try it out for a while, keeping it in her car, hiding it from her boyfriend, stealing moments of What If, fantasizing of a different, “married” life.

 

And she notices something. People look. They look at the finger. They look at the Ring. And then they look at her. And smile. She takes it off next time she’s in the same store: They tap their nails and roll their eyes when she can’t find the credit card in her wallet. She puts the Ring back on: They smile and make conversation when the credit card is declined, “Oh, that’s right, my husband maxed it on the new entertainment system.” They all laugh, because they’re all wearing the Ring. At work, male customers look her in the eye and female customers instantly bond in conversation.

 

So the Ring stays on.